My last relationship was nearly a decade ago, male and in my 30s and I feel completely detached from being sexy or attractive. I used to have edge to me and had a drive to date in me.
On the physical side, I’m overweight and look pretty rough (ageing, stress and bad sleep). I’m starting to work on these things but very early in the process.
On the mental side,I’ve gone through bouts of depressive ruts, and most recently work burnout/stress. I couldn’t even handle basic conversations let alone being interesting to someone. I feel like I don’t have an edge and I don’t feel like the captain of my ship, I feel like a passenger while life (and my overthinking) is in the driver seat.
Going deeper, I’m also addicted to porn and have some weird hangups around dating. I often feel like I’m not deserving or desirable, it’s like I’m disconnected from being a sexual being in real life. It’s compartmentalised to porn and sexting where I don’t need to fix the rest of my life in order to stimulate a similar but lesser feeling.
I have a very active social life and often meet mutual friends but the interest isn’t there. Last year I tried going to some singles nights which was good exposure therapy but didn’t hit it off with anyone really. Dating apps I’m invisible unless I turn to guys (I’m bi)
Men, how did you get back the drive you once had? Have you noticed it change as you got older?
